Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned.
[Anonymous]

Education: the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty.
[Mark Twain]

I think it better to keep a profound silence with regard to the Christian fables, which are canonized by their antiquity and the credulity of absurd and insipid people.
[Frederick the Great]

You cant convince a believer of anything, for their belief is not based on evidence, its based on a deep-seated need to believe.
[Carl Sagan]

And if there were a God, I think it very unlikely that He would have such an uneasy vanity as to be offended by those who doubt His existence.
[Bertrand Russel]

I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours.
[Stephen Roberts]

Religion is an insult to human dignity. With or without it you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion.
[Steven Weinberg]

The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas-covered planet going around a nuclear fireball ninety million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be.
[Douglas Noel Adams]

Not to be absolutely certain is, I think, one of the essential things in rationality.
[Bertrand Russell]

There is much pleasure to be gained from useless knowledge
[Bertrand Russell]

A casual stroll through a lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything.
[Fredrick Nietzsche]

I am against religion because it teaches us to be satisfied with not understanding the world.
[Richard Dawkins]

Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.
[Fredrick Nietzsche]

Is man one of God’s blunders? Or is God one of man’s blunders?
[Fredrick Nietzsche]

Strange is our situation here on Earth. Each of us comes for a short visit, not knowing why, yet sometimes seeming to divine a purpose. From the standpoint of daily life, however, there is one thing we do know: that man is here for the sake of other men - above all for those upon whose smiles and well-being our own happiness depends
[Albert Einstein]

Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man…living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money.
[George Carlin]

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.
[Albert Einstein]

The best computer is a man, and it’s the only one that can be mass-produced by unskilled labor
[Wernher von Braun]

A liberal is a person whose interests aren’t at stake at the moment.
[Willis Player]

A conservative is a man who sits and thinks, mostly sits.
[Woodrow Wilson]

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
[Winston Churchill]

The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.
[Winston Churchill]

The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it.
[George Bernard Shaw]

I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.
[Sir Winston Churchill]

Science has proof without any certainty. Creationists have certainty without any proof.
[Ashley Montague]

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
[unkown]

Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
[F. P. Jones]

he was a dyslexic, agnostic insomniac.
he'd lie awake all night wondering if there really was a dog.
[unknown]

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don’t need to be done.
[Andy Rooney]

There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.
[Benjamin Disraeli]

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
[Graucho Marx]

The word TWAIN is from Kipling's "The Ballad of East and West" - "…and never the twain shall meet…", reflecting the difficulty, at the time, of connecting scanners and personal computers. It was up-cased to TWAIN to make it more distinctive. This led people to believe it was an acronym, and then to a contest to come up with an expansion. None were selected, but the entry "Technology Without An Interesting Name" continues to haunt the standard.
[unknown]

Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those I had to kill because they pissed me off.
[unknown]

What happens if a big asteroid hits Earth?
Judging from realistic simulations involving a sledge hammer and a common laboratory frog, we can assume it will be pretty bad.
[Dave Barry]

A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.
[Douglas Adams]

THESIS plus ANTITHESIS equals HYSTERESIS
[Terry Pratchett]

let's have an attitude check:
"I HATE THIS FUCKING PLACE !"
let's have a positive attitude check:
"I POSITIVELY HATE THIS FUCKING PLACE !"
let's have a negative attitude check:
"I DON'T LIKE THIS FUCKING PLACE !"
let's have a short attitude check:
"FUCK IT !"
Nice to see we're all maintaining our equilibrium.
[Tom Clancy]

"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
[Robin Williams]

"When I die, I want to die like my grandmother who died peacefully in her sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in her car."
[Author Unknown]

"It's so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom."
[Joan Rivers]

"If it wasn't for pick-pockets and frisking at airports I'd have no sex life at all."
[Rodney Dangerfield]

"Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that money can buy."
[Steve Martin]

"My girlfriend said to me in bed last night, you're a pervert. I said, that's a big word for a girl of fifteen."
[Emo Philips]

"My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects."
[Les Dawson]

"I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own."
[Woody Allen]

"My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty."
[Woody Allen]

"I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic."
[Woody Allen]

"There are a number of mechanical devices that increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief amongst these is the Mercedes-Benz SLK 230 convertible."
[Unknown]

"You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life."
[Emo Philips]

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."
[Steven Seagal]

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
[Robin Williams]

"What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them?
[Marilyn Pittman]

"If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."
[Johnny Carson]

"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
[Paul Rodriguez]

My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty, and that's the law."
[Jerry Seinfeld]

Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same."
(Oscar Wilde]

"Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children".
[A Mum]

In a recent interview, General Norman Schwartzkopf was asked if he didn't think there was room for forgiveness toward the people who have harboured and abetted the terrorists who perpetrated the 9/11 attacks on America.

His answer was a classic.
Schwartzkopf said, "I believe that forgiving them is God's function. Our job is simply to arrange the meeting."

"Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac".
[George Carlin]

"You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is".
[Ellen DeGeneres]

"I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain."
[Carol Leifer]

The glass is neither half-full nor half-empty: it's twice as big as it needs to be.
- Unknown

——Jocks vs Nerds—-

Michael Jordan having "retired," with $40 million in endorsements, makes $178,100 a day, working or not.

If he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52,000 every night while visions of sugarplums dance in his head.

If he goes to see a movie, it'll cost him $7.00, but he'll make $18,550 while he's there.

If he decides to have a 5-minute egg, he'll make $618 while boiling it.

He makes $7,415/hr more than minimum wage.

He'll make $3,710 while watching each episode of Friends.

If he wanted to save up for a new Acura NSX ($90,000) it would take him a whole 12 hours.

If someone were to hand him his salary and endorsement money, they would have to do it at the rate of $2.00 every second.

He'll probably pay around $200 for a nice round of golf, but will be reimbursed $33,390 for that round.

Assuming he puts the federal maximum of 15% of his income into a tax deferred account (401k), his contributions will hit the federal cap of $9500 at 8:30 a.m. on January 1st.

If you were given a penny for every 10 dollars he made, you'd be living comfortably at $65,000 a year.

He'll make about $19.60 while watching the 100 meter dash in the Olympics, and about $15,600 during the Boston Marathon.

While the common person is spending about $20 for a meal in his trendy Chicago restaurant, he'll pull in about $5600.

This year, he'll make more than twice as much as all U.S. past presidents for all of their terms combined. Amazing isn't it?

However…

Game over. Nerd wins.

- Unknown

Girls are like internet domain names, the ones I like are already taken.
- Unknown

Cool people are just idiots wearing pricy clothes
- Unknown

Someone once said a million monkeys using a million keyboards could reproduce the complete works of William Shakespeare.
Thanks to MySpace, we now know that to be entirely false.
- Unknown