MONKEY BATH
A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: "Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa! Aa! Aa!".

TESTICULATING
Waving your arms around and talking b@ll@cks

BLAMESTORMING
Sitting round in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

SEAGULL MANAGER
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, cr@ps on everything, and then leaves.

ASSMOSIS
The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.

AEROPLANE BLONDE
One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a 'black box'.

AUSSIE KISS
Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE
The fine art of whacking the cr@p out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

SALAD DODGER
An excellent phrase for an overweight person.

SWAMP-DONKEY
A deeply unattractive person.

SALMON DAY
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die.

CUBE FARM
An office filled with cubicles.

PRAIRIE DOGGING
When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. (This also applies to applause for a promotion because there may be cake.)

SITCOMs
Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids or start a "home business".

SINBAD
Single working girls. Single income, no boyfriend and desperate.

ADMINISPHERE
The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded "administrivia" - needless paperwork and processes.

GOING FOR A McSHIT
Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food, you're just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staff member, your declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is known as a McSh!t with Lies.

404
Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found" meaning that the requested document could not be located.

OH - NO SECOND
That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all').

GREYHOUND
A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.

JOHNNY-NO-STARS
A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show their level of training.

MILLENNIUM DOMES
The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but there's actually naught in there worth seeing.

MYSTERY BUS
The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.

MYSTERY TAXI
The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in your bed instead.

BEER COAT
The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise at 3:00am.

BEER COMPASS
The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after booze cruise, even though you're too drunk to remember where you live, how you got here, and where you've come from.

BREAKING THE SEAL
Your first pee in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.

TART FUEL
Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by young women.

PICASSO BUM
A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's got 4 buttocks.

20 Words That Should Exist

1. ACCORDIONATED (ah kor' de on ay tid) adj.
Being able to drive and re fold a road map at the same time.

2. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks' trus) adj.
Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.

3. AQUALIBRIUM (ak wa bib' re um) n.
The point where the stream of drinking fountain water is at its perfect height, thus relieving the drinker from (a) having to suck the nozzle, or (b)squirting himself in the eye (or ear).

4. BURGACIDE (burg' uh side) n.
When a hamburger can't take any more torture and hurls itself through he grill into the coals.

5. BUZZACKS (buz' aks) n.
People in phone marts who walk around picking up display phones and listening for dial tones even when they know the phones are not connected.

6. CARPERPETUATION (kar' pur pet u a shun) n.
The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.

7. DIMP (dimp) n.
A person who insults you in a cheap department store by asking, "Do you work here?"

8. DISCONFECT (dis kon fect') v.
To sterilize the piece of candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, somehow assuming this will remove all the germs.

9. ECNALUBMA (ek na leb' ma) n.
A rescue vehicle which can only be seen in the rear view mirror.

10. EIFFELITES (eye' ful eyetz) n.
Gangly people sitting in front of you at the movies who, no matter which direction you lean in, follow suit.

11. ELBONICS (el bon icks') n.
The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.

12. ELECELLERATON (el a cel er ay' shun) n.
The mistaken notion that the more you press an elevator button the faster it will arrive.

13. FRUST (frust) n.
The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.

14. LACTOMANGULATION (lak to man gyu lay' shun) v.
Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the illegal side.

15. NEONPHANCY (ne on' fan see) n.
A fluorescent light bulb struggling to come to life.

16. PEPPIER (pehp ee ay') n.
The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.

17. PETROPHOBIC (pet ro fob' ik) adj.
One who is embarrassed to undress in front of a household pet.

18. PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n.
The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.

19. PUPKUS (pup kus') n.
The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses it nose to it.

20. TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n.
The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, when you're only six inches away.

ambimousterous [AM-bee-MOUS-ter-ihsj: adj, Proficient using a mouse with both the left and right hand.

Aunt Tillie [ANT TIL-lee]: n, The quintessential naive user that must be taken into account when designing software, To pass the Aunt Tillie test means the software is Idiotproof.

Batmanfactor [BAT-man FAKtur]: n, A measure of electronic geekness that looks at the size and number of items attached to one's belt. For instance, having a Palm Pilot, a cell phone, and a walkie-talkie would grant you a very high Batman factor.

bogosity [bo-GOS-ih-tee]: n, The degree to which somethlng is bogus.

chickenboner [CHIK-en BO-nur]: n, A spammer generally thought to be a redneck in a darkened trailer with a litter of KFC chicken bones surrounding the workstatlon.

dancing frog [DAN-sing FROG]: n, A computer bug that will not manifest itself when someone else is watching over your shoulder. (Remember the Warner Brothen frog that sang and danced for only one person?)

geekasm [GEE-KAS-em]: n, Best understood by reading thls quote by MIT professor Alex Slocum: "When they build a machine, If they do the calculations right, the machine works and you get this intense . . . uhh .. .just like a geekasm, from knowing that what you created in your mlnd and on the computer is actually doing what you told it to do."

kilogoogle [KIH-lo-GOO-gul]: n, Unit of measurement to indicate the number of hits made om a term by a Goode search. "mental floss" has 1.5 kilogoogles.

teledildonics [TEL-uh-dil-DON-iks]: n, Virtual-reality sex.

zipperhead [ZIP-ur-HED]: n, Someone with a closed mind.